Kid I babysit: There's a monster under my bed!!
Me: That's silly, there's no such thing as mo...
Me: OH GOD IT'S TEARING MY ARM!
Me: Kidding. He only eats kids.
Me: Good night.
me: walks into school
me: so when can i leave
Fuck you Tumblr for showing me pictures of girls I...
Teacher: C'mon guys! You did this in 3rd grade!
Student: I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night you fucking whore
convos with my 80 yr old grandpa season 1 episode 1
grandpa: what's this hungary james movie that everyone's talking about
me: no pop, it's hunger games
grandpa: hunger what?
me: hunger GAMES
grandpa: hungry gays?
me: yes pop, yes
grandpa: well if they stopped spending their lunch money on hair gel maybe they wouldn't be so hungry